Grace Msalame's Take on Successful Co-parenting.
By: Joan Wangari
Posted on Saturday, September 26, 2020
Parenting can be said to be one of the most taxing yet the most rewarding job ever. Every parent wants to bring up a child in a loving and healthy environment. It is important to note that one’s childhood highly affects the kind of person they become. One’s upbringing affects their emotional intelligence, their crisis management skills and their mental health. There is no 'one fits all' blue print on how to be a good parent. No one is a master at being a good parent.
Every household has its own ways of raising a child. While the norm of parenting in our conservative society is when both parents are fully present, there seems to be a new wave of co-parenting. This new arrangement involves having parents living separately and the child living with one of them, but each parent playing their role effectively. Co-parenting requires a high level of maturity and commitment between both parties concerned.
Speaking to Joyce Omondi on Full Circle, Grace Kariuki a marriage and family therapist, said that when done well, co-parenting can be of great help to the child. Grace gave some tips on how to make co-parenting successful. The first crucial thing to do is to be intentional. “Start a relationship with a goal in mind. Separate your child from your relationship,” Grace Kariuki said. She added, “Always remember that being a bad spouse or partner does not mean that you are a bad parent, your child views you as a parent not a partner.”
Grace recommends that one should maintain a healthy support system. “Ensure that you have a strong social support system. Align yourself with people who will help you.” Co-parenting can be emotionally draining when you lack support. “Make sure you are in touch with your spiritual self and seek professional guidance. Do not suffer alone. Talk it out with others. Take care of yourself. This will help make the situation less dramatic and less frustrating.”
Grace said that it is important to understand what your child is going through. She advised “Pay attention to your child. Talk to them and foster a good relationship with them. That will help you tap into the mental and emotional space of your child,” she advised. Grace also advises that one should explain the matter to children on a level they can understand. “Do not be quiet about the situation, children are smart enough to notice a difference and any changes. Listen to the children. Have them tell you what they want and why they want it.”
Establish good communication practices. “Do not use your child as a communication medium. Make sure that both of you understand each other’s terms and that you both are in agreement. Good communication makes co-parenting blissful, even when any of the partner moves on and it remains a frictionless experience,” Mrs. Kariuki said. She added that that the well-being of the child should be the most important thing.
Media personality, Grace Msalame once revealed that her co-parenting experience was made smooth by communication. Msalame said that she has a good relationship with her baby daddy’s wife because communication among the three of them is open and clear. Grace Msalame and Paul Ndichu share 9-year-old twin daughters. Their family is enviable as the girls have a lovely relationship with both their father and mother.
When co-parenting, always remember to be objective, strategic and intentional. A happy child results to a happy parent
