Is Your Friend Toxic?
By: Aska Makori
Posted on Tuesday, August 18, 2020
Most female relationships are fake. Yes, we have gone direct to the point. To most women, it’s a friendship if it benefits them in any way; True or true?
70% of female friendships are toxic. What is toxic friendship? It’s the kind of friendship that changes the general functioning of a person from bad to worse. We don’t always make good decisions and would expect our friends to be the ones helping us in this area, right? Well, there are friends that instead of bringing out the best in you, they prey on your insecurities to bring out the best in themselves. Relationship Coach Cynthia Wambui Otieno pointed them out on Switch TV Kenya’s Full Circle with Joyce, as follows. Are you one of them?
Spotlight Susan
This woman is insecure. She is jealous of you because things are working out for you and wishes to be you. She always wants to be the centre of attention and will always steal your spotlight. All she ever does is take. Take, take, take even when you don’t want to give, she still takes. She’s so envious to the point that your success is depressing to her but will always stick around because her fame comes from you. Does that sound familiar?
Eg. You are the one that most men approach but she is always the one who does the talking.
Negative Nelly
If you think spotlight Susan is bad, wait till you meet negative Nelly. This one feeds on your faith; ever negative! She always points out the negative in every good thing that happens in your life. She has a lot of cynicism and never recognizes an achievement. She will drain you in the friendship, leaving no room for faith. But she is a darling compared to the next on the list…
Eg. You graduate first in your class and she will tell you how it’s hard to get a job out there if you are A-material or how you will be working under people who didn’t even go to school
Past Pat
Now this one is a special case! Past Pat will always bring up your past at every auspicious moment of your life. She will do this in order to overshadow your success. Any time you take a step forward, they bring up your past to pull you two steps behind.
Eg. You get engaged and she reminds you of how you used to sleep around back in campus.
Manipulative Mary
And the toxic friendship trophy goes to Manipulative Mary. This is the most dangerous friend you can ever have! Manipulative Mary is like a poison that kills you slowly; by the time she is done with you, you are left with nothing. The fatal thing about her is, she comes in love; she is always there for you to advise you and give you a listening ear. She is always willing to help and you will always go to her when in need of someone to lean on.
Manipulative Mary knows you inside out; she knows your needs hence find it easy to manipulate you. She will tell you exactly what you want to hear then strike your ego. She always preys on your weakness and uses it to control you. To identify manipulative Mary, ask yourself…’do I have control over my life or depend on this friend for everything even the simplest of decisions?’
Be very careful of manipulative Mary, she never leaves till she’s destroyed you.
In life, we need to interact with each other. We need people to talk to, laugh and share a piece of us with. But is it necessary? Will you die from not having friends? Yes, it’s good to have relations but it is not necessary that these relationships reach anything more than a basic level of connectedness. Friendships are not necessary for our survival or happiness. So, if you don’t need that toxic person in your life, walk!
