The truth about Co-Parenting
By: Sophie Opondo
Posted on Wednesday, January 8, 2020
Growing up the education system teaches us that family consists of the father, mother and children. Times are changing and the definition of nuclear family nowadays consists of daddy, step mom, step siblings and vice versa. Some prefer to call them bonus parents, given step parent has a negative connotation associated with it. Blended families’ are the new norm and there is no wishing it way given the numbers are rapidly growing.
Jackie Keya a psychologist, life coach, author and founder of the Blended Families Network was a guest recently on Today’s Parent (a show that airs on Switch TV Weekdays at 10:30 a.m.) to share nuggets of truth on Co-parenting. Sometimes called joint or shared parenting is the sharing of duties of raising children as a single parent when separation or divorce occurs.
In cases of bitter or tumultuous separation it gets complicated because one cannot wish the other partner away especially when children are involved. DNA is irreplaceable and the child didn’t ask for the separation no matter its validity. Co-parenting becomes vital in this case otherwise the children will always have that innate feeling to search for their biological parent if they are denied that opportunity while growing up.It’s been proven kids can get over divorce or separation of parents. Blended families have the ability to equip them with confidence and a deeper sense of security. However, if they have parents who are constantly fighting and bashing each other even after the divorce it becomes a festering wound in the children’s life.
Vindictive former spouses…
It’s important to seek healing first before diving into co-parenting. We hardly ever recognize our own character flaws by looking in the mirror and often those closest to us have a hard time expressing what they see we need to work on. Kids observe and silently absorb hence healing is a personal responsibility so as to focus only on the children moving forward.
Co-parenting do’s…
After doing the inner work it’s important to establish proper boundaries. Joint parenting doesn’t mean become best friends, it means focusing the conversation on the kids in the picture and setting routines. It’s important to strive for consistency given the child is the one doing the moving around from one home to another.
Co-parenting don’ts…
Some exes use the children as pawns, spies and messengers to sabotage their former partner’s relationship. Mrs. Keya warns against such antics revealing that it is the child that gets hurt in the process. The child has to live with both parties and is in contact with both the biological parent and the bonus parent. Demonizing the other parent in front of the child only damages the child. It denies the kid the opportunity to have a proper relationship with their parent given they are confused on who to be loyal too, these results to adults who have trust issues and indecisive. Akothee said it better, yes she had it rough but if she was to vent about her baby daddies, she did it away from her children.
The truth of the matter is inescapable; you can schedule a visitation but you can’t schedule love. Empathy, compassion, joy, peace spring up from intention - deciding to put in the self-work and seeking an improved relationship with your childand significant's spouse.Parenting is easier when former partners are able to communicate. Blended Families Network help such families’ transition. This is done through counselling in order to make it work. According to Jackie children in such relationships are also in transition and need to be handled with care.
Below is the video link
