Would you pick your Mom or Wife?

Posted on Wednesday, November 20, 2019

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Benjamin Nzulu during the show

Those who sleep with children wake up pissed. This is a Chinese proverb that rings true when it comes to matters relationships. Research made it clear love is not enough to maintain a marriage. Maturity, the level of commitment and communication is necessary. Children can hardly comprehend this, when they want candy, they will fuss until they get it. It’s almost impossible to rationalize with a child hence the proverb.

Benjamin Nzulu during an episode of Full Circle with Joyce, a show on Switch TV broke down the concept on who comes first between your mother and wife. Benjamin did not mince his words when it came to this particular episode and called a spade a spade and not a big spoon.

Marriage in the biblical sense…

The good book says therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. The transition is not always as smooth for every couple. The bone of contention is often between the mother and wife, some wives feel they playing second fiddle to their mother in law.

Marriage is not trying to take over from where the mother left. Benjamin said that no woman can raise a poorly raised boy. There are good men who have not yet made the transition and they should not be confused with poorly raised men.

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Benjamin Nzulu and Joyce.O. Waihiga

Before the wife…

Transition is a process given before the wife, there were other significant women in the man’s life, could be his mother or elder sisters who in the African culture are always viewed and considered second mothers. These authorities are legitimate however once marriage comes into play, dynamics have to shift.

Who comes first…?

Marriage is a good thing, to some even or a necessary stage of life but it is not the ultimate purpose of living. Between your mother and your wife who comes first? Mr. Nzulu says this is not a complicated question or the case of who came first the egg or the hen. In a marriage setting, the wife comes first. This is not to mean isolate your mother, it means understand why you are getting married in the first place. Extended family is and will always be important, the question is to what extent.



The wife comes first and women need to realize the power they have in marriage. The major undoing is women don’t communicate their discomfort until the damage is done. Downplaying what they feel in the fear of not being liked by the in laws especially the mother in law. Benjamin’s reveals that it took him two years to get a wife, if he wanted a female creature they are in plenty of supply. Women are many but virtuous women have no competition.  He cautioned ladies against compromising too much. Encouraging them to know their worth and understand being submissive does not mean be dumb or accept it all. Know your position in his life that solves unnecessary heart ache and arguments.

 Stop falling for sweet words and fall for sweet efforts…

Understand your Why…

It should not be a competition to begin with. Respect, boundaries and a man who understand the role both of these women play in his life is important. Marriage is not just between two people but also two families. Mothers are important to both spouses it’s a circle of life however there are decisions spouses ought to make together without the intrusion of the third party.

Author: Sophie Opondo