Posted on Wednesday, December 9, 2020
Being unloved is better than being disrespected, embarrassed and abused and Benjamin Zulu, our relationship expert couldn’t have put it any better.
According to him dating when you are under 25 years old means you do not know what you are doing. He in fact said that he is tired of the ‘nonsense and drama’ that comes from couples in such relationships. Benjamin said that as a relationship counsellor he has repeatedly seen the pattern of couples under 25 asking him for solutions to the same problems, and would like to see an end to it.
Mr. Zulu however advises youth to put their energy into building a life for themselves first, before focusing on romantic relationships. Here are the things he recommends you do in your early to mid-twenties instead of a romantic relationship.
1. Look for Your Money
Yes. Get a job or start your own business. Relationships can be difficult and being broke only makes them more challenging. Instead of focusing on meaningless, energy draining relationships you can direct your enthusiasm into activities with financial returns. You can apply for jobs or internships, do online trading, write a book or even commercialize your hobbies. The possibilities are endless.
2. Develop Your Career
Your 20s are when you form your career’s foundation, therefore you require a lot of self- assessment, learning, exploration and career exposure. Set your goals and objectives and link them to activities that will help you move to higher job positions or even start your own organization through the combined experience. Take time and train yourself to acquire the skills needed for the career path you have chosen. You can attend seminars, workshops and events in line with your career interests.
3. Learn New Skills
You have all the time so why not. You might have finished school but you could sure learn some skills before you become a ‘fully functioning adult’. Learn how to build your networks; both online and offline. Learn how to initiate and maintain conversations with people, teach yourself basic life skills, develop useful organizational skills that you can use at home or at work, know how to manage your time effectively, teach yourself how to budget your money and invest. Zuckerberg was not sleeping around with girls in his 20s and that is how he managed to come up with Facebook.
4. Leave Explorers Alone
These are men and women who want to be with you only for a good time, not a long time. Avoid them because they are just there for a ride. They cannot come through for you in case a problem arises because they did not sign up for that ‘relationship’. Look for a mature person with goals and is serious with you, disciplined and knows what he/she wants. There is rarely an under 25 with such qualities so until then, just focus on yourself.
5. Remove Your Clothes Only When going to the Bathroom
To avoid watching your dreams getting shattered in relation to pre-marital pregnancy, just keep your clothes on and your body to yourself. Yes. Stop opening your legs for ‘boys’ who are full of testosterone and just want to have fun. They mostly do not want to be fathers; they are just looking for fun and may disappear when the going gets serious.
6. Bring Your Gifts to the World, We Need Them
Engage in activities that are designed to elevate you to your full potential and talent’s level. Preach in church, join a band if you have that singing voice or play an instrument. Use your time to identity and develop your hidden talents and later use them to command your social presence in society. Challenge yourself, cultivate your ideas and find ways to deliver them to your peers because the world could really use them.
The most important thing to own in your 20s is yourself. Find out where you can invest your time and purpose for a productive return. If you are not happy and fulfilled when alone, a relationship is not going to solve this. Work on yourself first.
Author: Melvine Khalobwa