How to Foster a Healthy Relationship With Your In-laws

By: Joan Wangari

Posted on Monday, August 31, 2020

It is important to separate yourself socially from your family

Dealing with in laws can be an uphill task. It takes a lot of intelligence and wisdom to maintain a respectful relationship with your partner’s family. While most people’s experiences with their in-laws is whack, there are people that enjoy a very loving relationship with their in-laws. Is there a manual to ensure that your interactions with your in-laws has no friction? There are no set rules or principles to living harmoniously with them. Your new family is a set of people with their own culture, preferences, values and principles. Meeting new people and gelling with them has always been considered hard, now imagine meeting new people that are supposed to be your family. You have no option but to get along with them and accept them as they are.

Counselling psychologist and relationship coach Benjamin Zulu spoke to Joyce Omondi on Full Circle about how one can handle their in-laws. Zulu said the first thing to never ever do is living with your in-laws. Even though there are families that are forced to interact on a daily basis because of their family businesses, it is important to separate yourself socially.

The size of your family’s home does not matter, go out of it and create your own home. Your wife needs to have her own space and so do you. Women are very territorial and do not like to feel like they are being ordered around. When you marry a girl and move in with your parents, she will never see you as the home’s authority. Getting your wife and mother in different spaces ensues that they do not have conflicts and they respect each other. Always remember that familiarity breeds contempt.

In some cases, there are also women that are from wealthy backgrounds and their family asks you to move in with them as soon as they get married. As a man it is important to set your boundaries with the lady way before you get married. Make sure your wife understands that you want to build your own empire and home. Doing that ensures that your in-laws respect you and see you for the man that you ought to be.

As a man it is important to set your boundaries with the lady way before you get married

Make sure that you and your spouse discuss the time any of your relatives can stay with you. Some families were brought up in a communal way and do not have boundaries. Both of you need to feel free while in your home and having your in-laws around will definitely deny you that freedom. If one of the parents is sick don’t let them move in with you, instead consider getting them a house nearby and hire help for them.

According to Zulu, there is no excuse why any of your family members should live with you. There is a picture your spouse has painted of you to their family and having them around will definitely ruin your image.

As a couple you have your personal problems. You have your arguments and how you show love to each other. Create boundaries with your in-laws and you will have a long and healthy relationship with them. All the best figuring out your lifestyle with your in-laws.