Playing ‘Wife’ Too Early Could be Keeping you From Getting Married

By: Absalom Mulama

Posted on Thursday, August 27, 2020

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? -Joe Wisdom

Have been dating your boyfriend for what seems uncomfortably long time without seeing signs of moving to the next stage? Maybe you have been doing what you think is right, but has been wrong all along? Believe it or not, performing wifely duties, for him can delay that proposal day even longer!

According to relationship coach and author, Joe Wisdom, ‘A woman performs wife duties to her boyfriend hoping to convince him that she’s going to make a good wife, is in fact likely to make the guy complacent. Giving your boyfriend wifely services for free risks lowering the value of those services in his eyes.

Speaking on our morning gospel show, Full Circle with Joyce, Wisdom argues that men view acts of wifely service from their girlfriends in a different perspective. As the girlfriend is busy cooking, cleaning, scrubbing and offering him sex, the man sees it as ‘marriage’ without the official steps and responsibilities. He then gets comfortable knowing he does not have to put effort on his part to follow the necessary steps such as meeting her family and organizing for bride price.

The risk comes in when the man decides that he is tired of the girlfriend and he just walks out of the relationship with nothing to lose. Why? Because nothing can stop him.

Acting like a wife for your boyfriend gives him all the power in the relationship with almost no responsibility on his part. We understand, it sounds logical to model how good you will be as a wife in order to make him marry you, right? But it doesn’t always work, and if he changes his mind you will have a lot of invested time and effort to lose.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD

So what should you do instead to keep him on his toes? Make it clear where you are headed and make sure your goals are aligned. For example, if you look forward to being married and having children, make sure he is also planning to have a wife and be a father. Do this with all other life goals that may affect your lives together. After that, encourage and support him to work towards his goals and avoid the risk making him relax by giving him wifely rewards too much.

Secondly, you should try to identify key traits in his personality that will make him a good partner in marriage. The marriageable partner list is proposed by Joe Wisdom in his book, Wisdom in Relationships. Wisdom proposes a list which he calls the ‘Marriageable menu’ of what makes both men and women attractive for marriage.

Looking for marriageable qualities helps you identify the right person to invest in

According to Wisdom;

A MARRIAGEABLE MAN IS ONE WHO:

Has a Vision

A man needs to have a life plan that his wife can support and encourage him to follow. Having a life plan is a reflection of responsibility and structure to his life, meaning that there are higher chances of the relationship to succeed. As the biblical leader of the family, a man needs order in his life to lead. Joe Wisdom says that a man with no vision will only drag you into confusion.

Is wise and hardworking

A wise man is one who knows how to handle conflict within a relationship. He will not go outside the relationship to solve a problem that he can solve in privacy with his wife. This man is wise enough to know what he has and avoids making mistakes that will bring unnecessary tension to relationship with his wife.

The hardworking man is one who stays on his purpose to ensure the wellbeing of his family. He is a determined hard worker who puts his family before his own pleasure.

A MARRIAGEABLE WOMAN IS ONE WHO:

Builds her Home

This is a woman who builds her home by encouraging and supporting her husband and children. She is the kind of woman who does not start unnecessary drama by broadcasting private relationship matters to her friends. She submits to her husband, nurtures her children and creates a healthy environment for her family to thrive.

Lastly, another factor to watch for in Joe Wisdom’s marriageable menu is forgiveness. Wisdom claims that forgiveness is important for both parties in a relationship in order for it to thrive. He said that partners should avoid bringing up a mistake from the past and holding it against their partner once they had already apologized.