Are You Date Material?
By: Aska Makori
Posted on Saturday, August 1, 2020
If you are reading this, ask yourself this question, ‘why do I want to get married?’ Because people want me to get married or because I feel like I’m ready to be committed for life with someone’s son. Marriage is not just something you enter into with uncertainties…remember, this is a lifetime commitment. In Swahili we say; kufunga pingu za maisha.
Now, what’s the right age to get married? The answer is none! There is no right age to get married but there is a right time and that time is when you are ready. So no matter how old you are, if you are not ready to spend the rest of your life with someone’s son, don’t rush.
Let’s single it down to the ladies who are 40 and feel like they are too old for marriage…
Have you watched the Benjamin Zulu video now trending on YouTube? Last week Zulu was live on Full Circle with Joyce, a morning show on Switch TV Kenya. This particular episode will go down history as the episode that woke single women up! He gave reasons why a lady might be beautiful with an amazing personality and with wife material kind of characters but still remain single; you need to watch the video. So, is there hope for women who are single at 40? Let’s talk!
There is hope for women of any age to get married...but, it all lies on one thing, 'datability'. Are you datable? According to Benjamin Zulu, this depends on your presence. Can people feel you? Are you available? Most good girls sit and wait to be seen. Gone are the days. Physical presence is very important as well as having an active social life. Are you on Social Media? How often do you chat with people? We are entering an age where dating will be online so polish that side of you. Zulu adds that it’s good to wait for the right person but what are you doing as you wait? Have you gone out there and made yourself available. Attend Social events, laugh, smile, talk to people and have a good time. Someone might spot you.
To the 40s singles and ready to mingle, this is the time to shoot shots. You know why? Because you are now living your life without expectations. All the expectations you and other people had for your life dropped as time went by and now, you are free to open your wings wider and reach any height. The best part about being single at 40 is, you can date anyone! Older or younger, doesn’t matter. It could be a divorcee or a man younger than you…you don’t look at the age; you look at the maturity and how he makes you feel. If he makes the girl in you come out to play, then maybe there is potential.
Then ladies please, get rid of your baggage. Don’t enter a new relationship with a mentality from your past relationships. All men are cheats, all men lie, men sleep with you them leave, men are dogs… There is one thing you need to know; dating Is a game and you can’t play when you have an injury because all you’ll be doing is protecting that injury. To date again, you need to heal. Have you ever heard of hurt people hurt people…? Don’t turn other people into you; don’t transfer your hurt to others. So, before you start afresh with someone new, ask yourself this question; who hurt you? Is it this new guy or the old guy? Do the right thing…
Boss ladies, how are you? Should we call you again or once was enough? Ok, this is for you. Most career women tend to forget that career life and social life are two different things. In the office, you command respect but out there, you are a woman like any other woman. Release the girl in you. Smile, laugh and have fun with people and be seen. According to Benjamin Zulu, men are looking for a playful, sexually excitable girl, not that lady with a driver and bodyguards. Turn on your charm, not your authority.…dating is a game that requires a light touch and playfulness; learn to flow. If you are always the leader in your office, learn to be the follower in your relationship. There is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Asking a man to assist you doesn’t make you any less confident but it shows the man that he is relevant in your life.
Another important thing ladies is to be humble. Again to the career women, leave your title at the office and remember that at home, your man will always treat you like the girl in you. He’ll send you around to run errands and asks you to accomplish this and that task… There are places that you are not respected or treated as the boss. Remember those places and be humble, they will always remind you of your position as a woman.
Always keep this in mind… Dating is like an interview. There are so many men out there who want you. You can’t pursue one man for so many years. What if he is not the one and ends up leaving you? You will have wasted so much time, time that you would have spent with other relevant people who have potential. According to Zulu, it’s good to be in several relations as long as you maintain your dignity. Don’t get into sexual relationships in the name of looking for the right man to settle down with. Value yourself if you want to settle down with a person who values you. Stop playing hard to get at the first stage of getting to know someone; Play along till you’re sure he is a person you can get serious with… then you can now negotiate on whether to be in a relationship. Keep in mind that negotiations happen in the boardroom, not bedroom! There is a different between negotiations and sex…recognize!
